August 14, 2013

it's time for healing.

This past week has really taken its toll on me.  My mind is exhausted, my body is exhausted, and I cannot help but wear my emotions all over my face.  Y'all, deep down inside my heart just hurts for myself and for some of those around me.  

Whoever said the 20's would be some of the best years of your life is kinda' crazy.  Yes, don't get me wrong, I have had my share of wonderful memories and blessings, but lately the way I have been feeling is not part of those.  

Here are some things that I am really struggling with...

Change- A lot of change is occurring in my life right now and it has really shown me that I don't handle it well. At one point in my life I thought I did, but now I realize that change just makes me over-analyze and over-question every part of my life.  I have started attending a different church, a major relationship in my life is missing, and I am moving to a new place with a friend.  As much as I love the new church I am attending and am excited for my new roommate, all this change at one time still makes me a nervous wreck.

Love- I am still in love with the same man that I met seven years ago at an FFA endowment signing. He is honestly the first person that I truly loved and losing that part of me hurts more than I could ever imagine.  Trying to heal your heart from a breakup is really hard, especially considering the circumstance is just the distance. The Lord just doesn't want us in the same city right now, and as much as I hate it, I know His plan is greater.  He made it work before...maybe He will make it work again. But, when two people are still in love, your heart just hurts that much more.

Anxiety- My mom likes to call me her "worry child" because that is honestly all I do.  Sometimes I worry so much that it causes my anxiety to heighten and for some unexpected symptoms to arise.  Anxiety isn't healthy, worrying isn't healthy...but the more someone tells me not to worry, the more that I turn it over and over again in my brain. For those of you that have experienced know it's a vicious cycle.

Confidence- A year ago I felt like I had all the confidence in the world.  I had just graduated from college, I had a job, and everything just seemed to be falling into place according to plan.  It's funny how things can get turned upside down in a heartbeat and God reminds you that you need to rely on Him and Him alone.  

As the picture says above...right now is a time of healing for me. I think we all go through tough stages in life and this just happens to be one for me.  The things that are happening in my life are much easier than some of those that I know, but for me here lately, the struggle has been real.  What is comforting is knowing that the Lord has a plan for me and each day He is repairing those missing pieces that are in my life. Just when we think we hit our all time low...He picks us up and brings us even closer to Him. Let me tell you...that is an amazing God.