June 20, 2013

my heart is heavy...yet so full.

This past week I went through something that I never thought I would have to go through again.  I cried...a lot. I searched for answers...but could not find any.  My heart was heavy and hurt...yet so full.  

God has a reason for everything and most days I look up towards the sky and just picture him laughing...crying...and comforting all of us.  We all go through tough times and wonder why is He treating us like this.  Why is he hurting our heart?  We become angry.  We weep.  We look for answers.  

The person that was one of the closest people to my heart is no longer something that I can call mine.  God had a bigger plan...and right now I don't know what that is.  It hurts me not knowing...it makes me tear up.  It breaks my heart every moment I think about it.  

My heart is heavy...I'm worn.

This past week I did one of the hardest things that I have ever done in my life.  

"If you love something...set it free.  If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it continues to fly, let it soar and have faith that God has something better in store."

It doesn't feel real...or maybe I just don't want it to be. 

Last night was comforting; it took a leap of faith, strength, and courage.  Sometimes you need a reminder of the beauty that God has graced this earth with.  Even when I thought I didn't have the strength, God provided a way. There is no doubt he takes care of his children.  

This week was the 85th North Carolina FFA State Convention and being surrounded by thousands of blue FFA jackets is comforting in times of sadness.  Every day I am comforted that my family is at least 20,000 members strong.  We are there for each other...we hold each other in times of sadness and in times of joy. It is really quite a beautiful thing.  

Watching those that I love dearly succeed in the FFA makes me smile even more.  Even though my sister's Nursery Landscape team placed 2nd and isn't traveling to nationals...she became a stronger person today.  It's tough to get told no...but it's makes you try even harder. I hope she understands that.

Being an agriculture teacher was one of the most challenging yet rewarding experiences that I ever had.  Watching all of my best friends grow, teach, and mentor all of their students makes me smile each and every day.  Maybe I will be back in the classroom some day...I will leave that one up to the Lord.  

I may not be in the classroom, but my heart will always be with FFA.  I promise to support it in any way that I can. In 2006, when I said the FFA creed for my first time, never did I think that this organization would change my life.  It has brought me a greater love for people, a stronger love for family, and hope for my future. I have been blessed to be taught by some of the best, to learn from those that have succeeded in our industry.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about those moments.  I have seen North Carolina agriculture...I have seen talented FFA members...I have had my heart filled with some of the most beautiful people. Watching those that I love grow up in this organization makes my heart even more full. I hope they realize all that God has in store for them too.  

So...today Lord. I thank you.  Thank you for making my heart full.  I understand that there a going to be times of sadness, times of hurt, and even times of sharp and udder pain.  I know you are there, I can feel you, and this week you proved that to me...and for that...I couldn't be more thankful.