April 11, 2011

gonna put the world away for a minute

Today, out of all days, I just wanna put the world away for a minute. 

There are just those days where you don't want to be available...where you just want to be alone because you've just had a bad day or you just want to relax. It happens to be one of those days.  I just want to sit back and think...think about life, think about the weeks ahead, think about today.

I have a Livestock Evaluation exam tomorrow, but truthfully, I'm tired of it.  I thought this class would be enjoyable, but I think I am just going to cross it off as one of those "worthless" classes that I have to take.  This class has so much potential, but unfortunately, I just can't seem to absorb the information.  Makes me really think if I was meant to teach animal science in a school classroom....just a thought.

Today, I wish I was just "knee deep" in something other than school.  Doesn't necessarily have to be the ocean like in the song by Zac Brown Band, but I need someplace to escape to.  The best days of my life were spent with my horse at the barn or out in a barn mucking stalls.  I just love that atmosphere...being by yourself, thinking about the day, and relaxing to music.  Sounds weird, I know; but, to most people that have grown up around livestock, there is so much comfort in knowing that you have a place to just escape.

Being in Raleigh has made this concept very difficult and has been replaced (to some extent) with trips to Lake Johnson and Yates Mill Park, but that doesn't fill that void of agriculture and working with animals.  Only if I still had those opportunities....

April 3, 2011

a little bit stronger....

Everyone knows....ever since last October I have really struggled with life.  For those of you that know me really well, you know that my life operates by my Franklin Covey planner and the new addition of my Google calendar, so when plans get messed up and I have to white out parts of my life...I don't do so well.  I write in pencil for things that are a maybe and pen for things that are a definite....let's just say I wrote too much in pen and God decided that my life needed to be written in pencil more often. In addition, He has also showed me in the past few weeks that I needed to learn how to use white out.  So, in other words, my planner is a MESS!  Take a look....
 Ok...well, you cannot see the white out, but just so you know, IT IS ALL OVER this month's calendar.  Nothing drives me more crazy than that, but once again, I think God really does have a plan for me.  He always does.  For example, when I wasn't elected in October to National FFA Office, I was upset, but God showed me the true meaning of family.  My grandmother was diagnosed with a brain tumor, but it really has brought my family closer together. We spend more time in conversation, call more often, and send letters more frequently....that was God's plan and it had a meaning.  Most recently, I have been turned down for three summer jobs which is really disheartening to me.  I still have one application open for a summer resident advisor position at the School of American Ballet in New York City; maybe, just maybe, something will come out of that.  Who knows, God might want me to hang up my wranglers and leave my cowboy boots in North Carolina to explore the big city.  It is scary to think that this little country girl might be in a big city...but once again, God will provide. He always does and always will.

I was working on some cards/letters to send out this week when Sarah Evans' new song "A Little Bit Stronger" came on my Pandora station.   I immediately stopped and listened to it because it really struck a chord with me...I am not going through a breakup (thank heavens!), but I am going through a tough time in my life. 

I have no goals right now, I have no vision for my life, and truthfully, I don't know what I am going to do tomorrow...but I am slowly accepting that life isn't always planned out to the "T".  I am still a little shaky with God making me use white out and writing in pencil, but starting this week, I am going to get a little bit stronger.

I am going to develop some goals, update my bucket list, and become closer to God through prayer and devotion.

I am going to get a little bit stronger.